Living With a Sex Addict

5: Early Recovery

Perhaps I’ve convinced you that sex addiction is a real condition. And now you are thinking, Great, he’s a sex addict, But I don’t want to be married to a sex addict. Or any kind of addict. How long do I have to put up with this?

 

Addictions are not quickly solved. During the early days of my husband’s recovery he was not “recovered” at all. Because I misunderstood the process of recovery from sex addiction I’d imagined that once he confronted the problem, everything would be all right. He was going to 12-Step meetings, seeing a psychologist who specialized in sex addiction (or so it was claimed), and talking to me openly about how he felt and what was going on inside him. Surely now that he was getting the help he needed, and no longer carrying the burden of secrecy, he would no longer act out sexually?

 

For some men, recovery is exactly this straightforward. Once they earnestly seek help for their addiction and put certain structures of accountability in place, they have a tidy before and after line. Every couple of months my husband tells me about one of these guys who, having arrived into recovery, never act out again. I’m not talking about arriving at an expensive residential recovery center and spending months in residential care, but a man who goes to an ordinary, free 12-Step recovery program offered through Sex Addiction Anonymous. He shows up a few times a week at these meetings, gets himself a sponsor, and spends the rest of his life sexually sober, emotionally sober, and eventually what is called spiritually sober.

 

For wives like me, whose husbands struggled for years to stop acting out, it seems too good to be true. Recovery is a process that begins with acknowledging its necessity. In other words, the addict decides he wants to recover, but he knows that will take quite some time.

 

However, it appears there are people for whom recovery is easier, a single moment in time that just becomes the norm. Or maybe they are just lucky. For many addicts, recovery is a bumpy road that can go on for some time.

 

I wish I’d known this. Most of my distress was because of the distance between what I thought ought to be happening—my husband achieving what is called “sexually sobriety”—and what was happening, a life punctured by his ongoing, sporadic use of pornography, “massage parlors” and chat lines.

 

Sometimes D—- was so nice to me it was difficult to stay angry him. Sometimes, he was so grumpy and anxious I wondered how he could stand himself. Addicts are notoriously anxious, angry, and terrific at blaming other people for their moods and troubles. D—- did plenty of that. But he also had moments of real honesty and openness. He spoke to me more candidly than he had ever dared speak to another human being. We spent long nights talking over the events in his life that precipitated his addiction. His introduction to sex was through a teacher who alighted upon him when he was only eleven years old. His parents were rigidly strict Christians who believed all sex outside of wedlock was sinful. His relationship with sex had always been peculiar and complicated and full of shame. What he wanted more than anything was a healthy relationship with me, both emotionally and sexually. He wanted to put things right and I wanted that, too. It was only that neither one of us knew how. We vowed to figure it out together. I was more than willing to put our history behind us and begin afresh.

 

But every time I’d discover he’d been somewhere he shouldn’t, it burned right through me.

 

Strangely, it can be oddly satisfying to be involved with someone who is so troubled. If they are behaving badly (through acting out or just generally grumpy) you are able to feel mildly superior. Before I knew he was an addict and believed, instead, that he was only an anxious worrier whose mood defaulted to mildly depressed, I could imagine that I was the more emotionally mature and spiritually superior of the two of us.

 

This had two positive effects on me. First, I irrationally imagined that it meant my husband respected and admired me more than he otherwise might if he didn’t “need” my good moods, my positivity, or my can-do attitude. Second, I had a ready excuse if I ever were to feel moody or sad. With a husband who needed so much caretaking, was it any surprise that I sometimes felt emotionally drained? His problems were all great excuses for my own. This became even more evident once I found out about the addiction. How could I be entirely happy, joyful, fulfilled, or successful when my husband might at any moment be involving himself with other women? And even if he weren’t with other women, the “recovery program” was so all-encumbering that it left little room in his thoughts for anyone but himself.

 

So, I could feel abandoned in either direction, either as a wife who was being mistreated inside her marriage by a man who said he loved her but looked for sex outside the marriage, or as a woman who was lonely and neglected inside her marriage because treatment for her husband’s addiction took up all his time and emotional energy.

 

This description would probably be classified as the behavior of a “codependent”, but I am wary of such terms. I have been thinking a lot about the history of the labels “coaddicts” and “codependent” and their powerful and sometimes deleterious effect on those who love men and women with addictive disorders. I have written a little about them later in this book, but will just mention now that it may be helpful to ignore such labels if they worry you.

 

Treatment facilities like the Marr Addiction Treatment Center in Georgia declare that codependents are “just as sick (or more so in their own way) as their addicted loved one.” I find that kind of sweeping generalization to be unhelpful at best, and unlikely to be true in the majority of cases. It is also terribly patronizing and condemning, declaring that we spouses of sex addicts are all sick and need treatment. They don’t even need to meet us to decide as much.

 

If any among us can discover her husband has a secret life in which he acts out his sex addiction not have a period of time during which she can think of little else, she is a different animal to me. For me, there was certainly a period during which his addiction made the headlines in my mind each morning. I imagined all my emotions were due my having been made newly aware of it. Of course, this relieved me of some responsibility for my feelings. If I felt abandoned, it was because of his addiction. If I felt I’d wasted my life, it was due to his addiction. If I felt lonely, depressed, angry, sad, we could put it all down to his sex addiction. I felt like I could not find peace unless he got better. But I experienced this only for a period of time—not forever.

 

If I were talking about any disease other than addiction, would my reaction sound all that “sick”? If he’d had an intractable cancer and I said that for a period of time my experience of life was entirely colored by how he felt, whether he was getting better or worse, what was going on in his body, in his mind, would I sound sick? And yet, the same psychologists that insist addiction is a disease tell us we are more sick than our addicted spouse because we respond to the condition as we might a disease.

 

If my husband was truly the source of my unhappiness, you might ask the question why didn’t I just leave him? Because I did not see his addiction as his single most defining characteristic. Because I thought that with help he could get past the addiction. I would have happily left the addiction, itself, at any time, but my husband was a human being, far greater than the label “sex addict.”

 

But did I feel happy? Of course not, or not entirely. Nor was I one hundred percent sad. We have this idea that happiness is the absence of sadness or sadness is the absence is happiness, but it isn’t like that. They aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be sad your husband is a sex addict and happy that he is with you. Both things together.

 

The best description of how I felt was anxious. I was always waiting for something bad to happen, for him to have a senseless affair or indulge in hours of pornography or visit a strip bar to watch girls our daughter’s age dance naked on a stage. I remember him telling me after a slip that ended with him at a “massage” place that he hadn’t touched anyone. He’d allowed them to massage him naked, but he hadn’t actually put his hands on a woman. Why not? I asked. The answer was more devastating than it ought to have been. Because I was not allowed, he said.

 

Not that he didn’t want to, not an admission that some part of him refused to fully engage in sex with a stranger when he was married to me. Only that he was not allowed.

 

So, what if he had been allowed? Well, I think I know the answer. During the years when he’d have intercourse with prostitutes what if he’d “been allowed” to not wear a condom? Would he be carrying HIV? Would I? It was all terrifying. I sometimes tortured myself with questions about what would happen if. I didn’t understand why this otherwise gentle, loving man was behaving in such a crazy way.

 

I guess to really understood addiction, you’d have to be an addict.

 

These days, whenever I hear a man in an “open meeting” talk about his addiction I can gauge roughly where his is on the path to recovery. There is no precise science to this. Having lived with one of nature’s most accomplished dissemblers I know how easily some can ape the sentiments of a recovered addict, but there are giveaways. For example, if a guy is still complaining about his unhappy childhood or his “crazy” wife or how unfair it is that she left him or how his particular suffering as child or addict is far worse than that of other addicts, his emotional scars far deeper, he is not far from acting out. Chances are he’s either “white knuckling” his way through the program or not sober at all.

 

White knuckling is when an addict is attempting to control his addiction by sheer willpower and not as a result of the necessary spiritual event that interrupts the pattern of addiction and fosters recovery.

 

White knucklers are among the most grumpy of recovering addicts. They’ve given up their coping mechanism and are now blundering through the world without it. They haven’t found the peace required for a true transition to sobriety and yet they are technically sober—and usually feel incredibly sorry for themselves. Unless a change takes place inside the addict, a change that is normally inspired through a 12-Step program or therapy or both, he will eventually lapse.

 

Even if a change does take place, he has to continually enlarge the part of him that is practicing healthy behaviours. If he busy in the melodrama of his life, feeling sorry for himself and feeling hard-done-by, he is vulnerable to acting out. He is probably unable to see beyond his own suffering and certainly in no position to comfort his wife or make her less anxious.

 

I should know.

 

I can remember complaining to my husband about how I was a dedicated wife, a loving wife, and felt so betrayed by his cyclical acting out. His response? Well, imagine how much worse it is to be the one who betrays? The one who causes the pain!

 

Amazing self-pity, but there is a certain logic to it. To be so disconnected to his partner, to the love of others, to a sense of peace and joy, that a man behaves counter to everything he values in life, must require deep inner despair. Self-absorption is not only isolating and self-defeating, but it is also is painful. Assuming that D—- actually loved me and our children and our life together, he had to be in a terrible place to put it all at risk. The seat of his disconnection was not the acting out but the emotional state that preceded it.

 

If I thought of it that way, his situation was worse. While I was certainly upset, I was nowhere near the kind of misery that would cause me to destroy the very family I loved.

 

If he could have stopped, he would have stopped. I struggled to believe that, to remember that, to keep it forefront in my mind. From the time I found out about his addiction it was as though there was a ticking time bomb inside our relationship. I could only survive for so long inside a marriage in which betrayal was a regular event. He could only recover as fast as he could. The question was what would happen first—would I run out of steam before he could get a handle on the addiction? The answer to that question turned out to be both yes and no.

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 16.59.12

Copyright © 2016 by TheWife. All rights reserved.

 

Previous Story
Next Story

You Might Also Like

16 Comments

  • Reply
    Jennie
    September 28, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know how encouraging you are to me. I read your words and realize those are the thoughts that have been inside my head that I could not express and felt no one would understand. It has been two years of recovery for my husband and he has recovered way faster than I have. I am much further along then I was and every day it does get easier. I admire your wisdom and grace and am thankful you are sharing your story.

    • Reply
      The Wife
      September 30, 2016 at 8:21 am

      Thank you so much, Jennie! I am very grateful for your kind words. It is great that your husband has recovered! I know exactly what you mean about his recovery being faster they your own…this is a hard, hard road. I am happy that you feel better day-by-day. I remember telling someone it had been six months and why did I still feel like this? She looked at me like, Poor baby you think six months was going to do it?

      Give yourself a few more years and I think you’ll feel tremendously different. Unless of course, he falls back into addiction in which case…well, it’s hard. Let me put it that way. It took my husband seven years to get one year of recovery. Things are better now, but it was hard back then. Hugs to you!

  • Reply
    Iguana
    October 10, 2017 at 2:35 am

    “Not that he didn’t want to, not an admission that some part of him refused to fully engage in sex with a stranger when he was married to me. Only that he was not allowed.”

    I read and cry… why? Because I know the feeling of falling down to into the never ending hole while knowing that ” not having sex with a coworker, not having more sex with prostitutes, not having more encounters, date nights, chasing women and having sex with them” was not because of
    Me
    Our kids
    His vows
    His moral values
    His respect for me

    But BECAUSE THEY DID NOT ALLOW THAT!!!!!!

    How humiliating, how heartbreaking it is?!?

    I did not matter.
    Our kids and family didn’t matter

    My health and life of our kids were in hands on sex workers and a husband who did not care about as while having sex with them ( literally… hiv … stds… using ptostitutes while having sex with me, when I was breastfeeding our babies…:(

    • Reply
      The Wife
      October 10, 2017 at 7:22 am

      I so understand where you are coming from. For a long while I was in a kind of quiet rage over all the things you say in your post, Iguana. You know what? It’s is just the same with any kind of addict. Addicts are inherently selfish and very loyal to their drug of choice. The sex drug has enormous meaning to those of us who are not addicts, however. Having sex of any sort outside a marriage or partnership goes straight to the heart of our relationship, changing it forever.

      The only way to deal with it is remember that it wasn’t YOU. It wasn’t any failing on your part. It was an addiction that drove his behavior. He’d have done it in another marriage or if he’d have been on his own.

      Does that make it hurt less? Not much. But the only consolation I can offer is that addicts of all sorts do this. How many times have people told an alcoholic something along the lines of “How can you do this to your family?” And yet, he drinks.

      Because our emotions are not driven by addiction we literally cannot understand how someone who says they love us can hurt us like this (over and over).

      Eventually, my husband got sober. It took years. I don’t feel anyone is obligated to give an addict “a chance” or “another chance”, for that matter. They get plenty of chances. It really comes down to what you want to do in this impossible situation in which the choices are limited and are none we really want.

      I know what you mean when you say you want your innocence back. I will never again be that wholly trusting young woman I was. However, I am a different, wiser, and perhaps more compassionate woman than I used to be. Even so, I liked it before. It felt better.

      I am so sorry this has happened to you, is happening to you. There is hope if your husband decides to get very serious about recovery. But it is a long process and you will have days when you feel very bad. Eventually, the days get better and they mount up. If he stays sober and works on himself (every aspect of himself) you may see a change that makes the days even better until those good days become your life. But there are no guarantees and it is horrible to feel the way you do right now.

      Hugs to you.

  • Reply
    RaeAnn Madigan
    October 18, 2017 at 1:37 am

    Thank you for sharing your journey. My husband is a sex addict was going to meetings for a year and relapsed, we are separated. It is comforting to know I’m not alone in this fight, and that there are other people that have been through this mess and acieved sobriety.

    • Reply
      The Wife
      October 18, 2017 at 6:52 am

      Hi, and thanks so much for dropping by. It took my husband SEVEN years to get truly sober. He’d manage a few months and then relapse, then a few more months, then relapse. It was very discouraging for me (and presumably for him, but he was busy telling me how sober he was). We lived apart for a little while as I couldn’t take it anymore. He got a bit more serious about his sobriety after that. I’d say he was VERY serious about it now, working at it all the time. He’s been sober 3+ years. What a hard road this has been for us, and I know just as hard for you. Hugs to you.

  • Reply
    Meira
    December 4, 2017 at 1:49 am

    I am married to a sex addict who is going to therapy and SAA. I feel totally kept of out his recovery. He doesn’t talk about when and how this started in his life, he doesn’t talk to me about it at all. I’m supposed to just believe that he is sober and working on recovery.
    He does GPS his locations and tells me what he is doing but I feel like I don’t know what’s going on. Should I know more? Should I ask more? But I feel like he doesn’t want to be reminded of it 24/7.

    I’m lost in this sea and I don’t know the right thing to expect.

    1.5 yrs since disclosure
    1 year since last prostitute
    3 months pornography free

    Aren’t they supposed to be communicating with us so they don’t have to act out?

    I’m lost

    • Reply
      The Wife
      December 4, 2017 at 8:14 am

      Oh wow, Meira, I SO understand what you are talking about! The biggest complaint I hear from women after their partners have gone into recovery i that they feel totally left out of the process, have no idea what is happening, and are tired of being kept in the dark and told to look after themselves. How can they look after themselves when they don’t know what is happening within their closest relationship? It just infuriates me that among supposed experts and professionals we are given a bunch of platitudes and impossible advice.

      It’s so lonely for us. Even the most successfully recovering addicts seem to feel they only need to share with their sponsors and others in their fellowship. They forget the impact it has on us. However, the reasons they do this are worth understanding. Shame, itself, can trigger addicts into acting out again. And many (not all) addicts feel such shame that if they spoke to us openly about what was going on — what they are doing or thinking or trying not to think about — they fear it would push them into a state of despair and then, possibly, they’d act out again. I am not saying this is always the case or that it is the case with your husband, but it is worth knowing.

      Meanwhile, the isolation, the lack of information, the awful endlessness eats away at us. I think we are so badly treated through all this that it is remarkable that any of us survive — but survive we do, however painfully.

      A few things. If you aren’t sure he’s sober, you don’t have to have sex with him. This is easier said than done, but you can explain to him as nicely as possible that you really cannot trust him right now because there is so little communication. And you don’t have sex with people you don’t trust or communicate with. If you aren’t having sex with him anyway, then obviously ignore this remark of mine.

      Also, understand he is only 3 months sober (if that). Pornography is a definite violation of sobriety. He should never look at pornography again. Ever. While it is a far more egregious act to go to a prostitute, in the great scheme of addiction it is no different than looking at porn. A drug is a drug at any dosage. There is hope, however, that his trend is going the right way, that he will one day be not only sober physically but mentally and emotionally, that he won’t even want to look at porn or anything else like that. I’ve seen it happen not only in my own life but in the lives of others. And once he’s reached that place he will be more communicative, I believe. You may even have the intimacy you long for and deserve.

      I sure hope so.

      🙂

  • Reply
    P
    February 15, 2018 at 8:48 am

    Hi,

    Thank you for this article. It is helpful to me today because it’s very reflective of where we are.

    Please could you tell me a little bit more about the idea of emotional sobriety?

    My husband is working the program, he’s found a new sponsor and is doing written exercises and talking to him daily. He’s going to meetings, seeing his therapist, we went to a consultation for couples counselling (that’s a story for a separate thread). I don’t think he’s acting out sexually at the moment. This all sounds good right? So why do I feel like something isn’t stacking up?

    I think it might be this idea of emotional sobriety. He seems unable, unwilling or both to let go of an attachment to the last affair he had before disclosure. By let go, I mean emotionally let go, I don’t think he has had any actual contact with her. I made the mistake of trying to point this out to him. Now he’s withdrawn and projecting blame onto me because he says he doesn’t feel safe talking to me and that me asking about it and calling it out as the crock if sh*t that it actually is abusive!

    I despair! I think that it’s just easier for him to be avoidant and delusional about this because then he doesn’t have to face the stark, unpleasant reality. I also appreciate that this is a disease and that I need to find a way to be patient here. That makes me feel rubbish in myself too.

    I feel like I should be asking him to move out until he’s worked through this but I don’t actually want him to go. I’m trying to just concentrate on myself and my own recovery but it’s so hard because I have no control over the thoughts that appear in my head and it all feels so unresolved.

    I’m in bits here again! Your blog alongside the partners group I’ve been going to give me hope that there is a way out the other side but it’s a long old road isn’t it!

    Lots of love

    P

    • Reply
      The Wife
      February 15, 2018 at 6:00 pm

      Hi P,

      It’s an incredibly long road for most of us and the worst bit is the first part, when you are feeling your worst. Your husband is acting like most addicts do early on. They trivialise or “minimise” (a 12-Step term he will know soon if he doesn’t already!) the impact they’ve had on others. Until he gets through all the steps he’s going to be sort of like a “dry drunk”. This is someone who hasn’t technically broken their sobriety but who has all the underlying problems that got them drinking to begin with, and with which they justified their behaviour. So, your husband is still attached to someone who he basically imagined in his head (the last affair). that’s what addict do, they imagine stuff. Then you call him out on it and he blames you. Of course he does. Nothing can be his fault, right? He won’t be anywhere near emotional sober until he completes the steps, possibly a few times. Meanwhile, you suffer. And I mean suffer. It won’t matter what group you go to, you will suffer. This stuff hurts. Can you get through it? Of course the answer is yes. But it’s no fun and it can last years. Let’s hope that for you it isn’t quite that long. But expect a really crappy year.

      And be forgiving of yourself. You sound like you are doing really well! You can do a lot to help yourself but in my experience I didn’t “recover” until I got a lot of distance from my husband. Also, until he really got sober and started facing up to the whole thing. That’s when it all came together for me. I can’t believe we got through all that. Hugs to you, P.

      x

      • Reply
        P
        February 15, 2018 at 6:26 pm

        I know you’re right! It’s so heart breaking on so many levels. I love this man and he’s done me such huge harm.

        The affair he’s still so attached too is absolutely ridiculous and the woman is seriously disturbed herself. I think she’s a sex addict as well. It’s also all based in a fantasy land, him pretending to be a version of himself, shareing part truths with her to create false intimacy and projecting a person onto her that is also made up! It’s madness and can only be understood through the lense of addiction.
        He then says he loves me and that love is real and solid. It’s like he can see it but he’s not prepared to admit it or let it in, he’d rather live in denial.
        It’s so frustrating!
        So what do I do here? I’ve come to the conclusion that I just have to do nothing. There is no point in pushing the issue. All I can do it have some faith that he’ll get there in time, take care of myself and hope he gets there before I run out of faith.
        The situation sucks but it helps to share with someone who understands.

        Thanks

        P xxx

        • Reply
          The Wife
          February 16, 2018 at 8:15 pm

          It could have been me writing the words you’ve written. I know exactly what it is like. I am so sorry. I know your husband is so sorry, as well. But that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you more. It’s so crazy. I hope that one day he looks back on these days as just totally bonkers and is so far removed from his addiction that it can’t hurt either of you. xx

      • Reply
        P
        February 15, 2018 at 7:00 pm

        Also, it helps to hear it’s ‘normal’ or at least typical as part of recovery!

        Thank you xxx

  • Reply
    H
    March 19, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    It’s been just over a year since I found out about my husbands addiction. It’s been a horrible, horrible year. He’s tried SAA meetings and 3 different councillors but keeps going back to old behaviours. And he has decided that he’s not an addict, but has just been making bad decisions and can stop by himself. The last incident was 2 months ago. He likes hookup sites and singles, couples and escorts. I can’t reconcile that side of him with the man who is kind and loving to my face. I don’t hate him, but I can’t figure out if I love him anymore. My problem is that I have a disability that will likely get worse with time. I rely on him for a lot and feel stuck. The stress makes my condition worse but it would be worse to leave. I don’t know how to protect myself. I do have suicidal thoughts when he acts out. I know my physical disability and pain will get worse and reading that recovery is this difficult makes me lose hope. I couldn’t continue to do this for years but I’m not sure I could manage on my own. I’ve talked to a counselor too, but t only once so far. I have access to

  • Reply
    NoKo
    March 22, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    Dear Wife, You are truly amazing! what you are doing here for so many women is truly a gift, the gift of sanity! Please keep writing! The programs for the partners of sex addicts is a mess! First my husband broke me into pieces, then I am left on my own to try to figure out how to even breathe again. I was extremely fortunate to have an amazing therapist in the first year. It was 100% about helping me, and she helped me understand that it was ok for me to have one foot out the door, it was ok for me to leave, but she also wanted me to hang on just “a little longer”- NOT for him, but for ME! She felt I owed it to myself to wait so I had the answers. She also told me it was OK to do whatever I needed to do to feel safe! Even with her, those early recovery days are actually more painful and destructive than the actual “D” day, and the realization that I wasn’t the cause of our marital problems for 16 years! He had to find fault in me to justify his acting out sexually.
    Hold on P! but hold on FOR YOURSELF! Those days of dealing with being “blamed”, or “pushing too much” is what I would call Soul Sucking!. It sucked my soul right out of me. And sometimes still does, for I know we still have years to go. And quite honestly, I will never 100% trust my husband, but I am also okay. I do 100% trust myself to recognize the signs! And whenever I see any signs- I have no problem pointing it out because I will do it for me! and I am not going to listen to his stupid therapist tell me I should worry about myself, and not my husband. Whatever! We are married. I am him-He is me. Correct I can’t fix him, but I do need him to have a “WE”! So Dear Therapist, you stay on your side of the street and stop telling me how to feel!!!!
    Wife your insight is beyond helpful to me. I felt I was alone in this feeling of being treated so poorly in the recovery process.
    Today my husband and I are in what I will refer to as beginning of “Stage Two”. My husband has been sober since D Day of Sept 2015, but his Acting in behavior, which I also referred to as a “dry drunk”, continued until December 2017. I also feel the Acting In behavior is still not a sign of sobriety. His therapist would argue differently, and did argue that with me two weeks ago, along with psychoanalyzing me. This was abusive of the therapist, and I’ll be darned that my husband actually agreed, and told the therapist so. Because of the fact I stood up for myself, and basically almost had a nervous breakdown in the process, my husband and his therapist are finally working hard on the Acting In behaviors, the driving force from his family of origin, that has created this sex addict. He has already express relief about facing that demon- a narcissistic mother who raised him enmeshed with her son/my husband.
    Last I checked both ways of acting, out or in, is still tremendously damaging to the sex addict, to the partner, and to the marriage. But Alas, it is part of the process. However, I decided I won’t be part of that therapist’s idea that until then I should stay on my side of the track. I guess I might have gotten lucky because my impatience, and my one foot out the door attitude, the last of the fight I had in me, actually has HELPED my sex addict husband. If I waited for these therapist to make the change happen one hour a week, I would have been destroyed along with my children. My newfound strength scared my sex addict husband into working hard.
    Yes, the acting in behaviors still rears its ugly head, but I can say finally see he is addressing that inner core of shame AND sharing it with me. I see him getting stronger by the minute. I can actually see the weight lifted off his shoulders enough, and he is actually strong enough to finally help me by addressing those crazy thinking questions that continually haunted me with every waking minute.
    Your posts have been very healing for some of the invasive thoughts that haunt me daily.

    • Reply
      The Wife
      April 27, 2018 at 7:43 pm

      Noko, please forgive me for not putting your wonderful, expressive post up before and not responding to it until now. I don’t know how but I managed to “lose” (and find!) some of the comments on the site. More from me soon, but thank you so much for your generous words and sharing your experience!

    Leave a Reply